I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Green mimosas i think yes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
