You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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