I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
