I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
