I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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