No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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