You're so nebulous sometimes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize