I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
