i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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