my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sorry about my life...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
