guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
