I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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