It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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