I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize