is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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