member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
