I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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