3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
