just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
