Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
