ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
