Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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