omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize