You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
