That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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