I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
