I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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