I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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