Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
