I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize