Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize