and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
