I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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