the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize