What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
God I need to hump something, right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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