a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
