I'm going to jail i love you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
