At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your penis caused this!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
