There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
