You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
