So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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