My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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