he puts the penis in happiness.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
