Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
