Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
