i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
