Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
