i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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