Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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