She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
