i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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