It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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