woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
