he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
