and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
