it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
