that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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