Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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