We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
