Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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