The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize