4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
