i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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